The day began with me driving in the wrong direction and seems to be ending with writing that has no direction at all. I guess that's the point of this first writing initiation. Julia Cameron (author of The Right to Write) is urging us (writers in general) to write...just write. If it ends up being good writing (which seems doubtful), well, that's just gravy.
As I let my mind wander and begin to pick up the pace tapping the keys, I am having trouble choosing a topic. Perhaps, that too is her point. Perhaps rather than choosing a topic (as she suggests we limit our students by forcing them to do), I will just ramble and topic hop. After all, if you can't hop in your own blog, where can you hop?
I didn't run today, and I wish I had. I find that strange. Some days I dread it. Some days I neither dread it nor look forward to it. I just do it to keep the scale steady or to offset...mmmmm...usually something chocolate. When I do it, it hurts, and it's all I can do to finish, but tonight, I miss it and regret not having done it. A sign that I've turned some magical fitness corner? That I may actually achieve that coveted runner's high that hear tale of? Probably not. More likely a sign of just how much I avoid the act that I claim to love...writing. If I were out running I wouldn't have to put words to paper (or computer screen as it is). For the same reason that my house is always so clean when I need to study, tonight I yearn to run.
At the same time, my mind drifts to questions and concerns and the mile long to-do list that all accompany thoughts of my new position. As I work with teachers this week and explore their writing process with them, I wonder how I will feel when school starts and I don't have a classroom to get ready. When I don't have students to meet at the door, and I don't start shaking hands immediately in an attempt to learn the new set of names. How is it all going to feel? And...will I do them justice? The teachers I mean. Will I be able to positively influence their teaching in a meaningful way? Will I have an impact?
See? I told you. No direction. Completely random. She told me to write so I'm writing.
In the first chapter (or Invitation, as she calls them), Cameron asks, "If words give us power, when do we start to lose our power over words?" It's a good question. Why does the possibility that someone might actually read this make me want to break out in hives? Why am I tempted to copy and paste it into Word so that I can run grammar and spell checks over it? Why do I know that when I am finished (or think I am) I will have to force myself not to go back and look for typos? WHO CARES IF THERE ARE TYPOS? We (and I don't really know who I mean by we) really have created a fear of writing and a fear of words in general. Thanks for helping me tackle the fear, Julia.
Here I go: putting it out there...choosing to hit submit.
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